Boobies

Big ones small ones…. Saggy ones, … we all have them (kind of) and for some reason few of us have good relationships with our lady lumps.. I am no exception.
I spend all morning with Son ( loveable Lucifer we call him, as is refusing to sleep though nights and keeping the whole family awake!) then head to croydon to hunt new bra. All current bras are now too big, too grey or just too damned ugly to be shown the light of day a moment longer.
Shop assistant has an amazing pair of boobies that would make Jordan feel self conscious about breast size, let alone me! Finding a few promising lovelies I head to the changing room… please tell me what the chances are on the day that you are going to try on bras, that all curtains happen to be missing? I will tell you … if you have post preggy boobs that warrant hiding from outside opinion and nosey eyes - then pretty damn likely!
Opposite the mirror I think back to the days where I happily sunbathed topless and was even quite proud of my Pete and Percy’s…. sadly, time and babies have taken their toll on my little buddies. Days of maximum exposure over! I pull, stuff and harness myself into various bras without finding ‘the one’. My disheartened sighs lead to Busty assistant suggesting chicken filets.
Handing me the cold slabs of falseness, I feel cheated. Of all the injustices it would have to be Busty girl to offer me these in my hour of need. I lob them into the cups and look up at the mirror, Amazing! I am Jordan too! (Okay not quite…) I admire the reflection disturbed by bored crying son that has dropping his toy. Reaching down to retrieve his little friend as one of my own becomes dislodged sticking to his hair - Son cries so load that everyone turns and my secret is no more. Bright red I rapidly exit changing room leaving load laughter behind.
Chicken filets? I’m gonna stick to the frozen type thanks.