ASBO Toddler

Asbo Toddler

Oh please give me strength.

It is still a matter of weeks before Toddler son reaches his second birthday but unlike all his other childhood development milestones he has decided to grace me with being advanced in terrible two tantrums. Oh Joy.

In preparation for life as a grown man - clearly leading from example of ‘the man’ - overnight Toddler son has developed selective hearing, unnecessary bad moods and an unsavoury interest in his private's.

I have spent the whole day reasoning and distracting only to end up with his dinner bowl on my head, and his compliance only in removing his spoon from his nose. I question myself why it is that just as you think you are managing their game they clearly have to up the stakes. Long gone is my chubby lump of love that clung to my side like a koala bear, in it’s place I now have the child that could make super nanny consider retirement.

After spending an hour cleaning the war zone that is my front room, I slump onto the couch considering if my beautiful son will ever return to me, or if I will just be rewarded for my work in form of an asbo by his thirteenth.

This reminds me. I move my thoughts towards organising his birthday party. I have decided, (after considering carefully what may keep him entertained for five minutes) this year to do a farm animal theme.

I reach for my new leather diary to jot down some things to get. Instantly I realise something is amiss when alerted to familiar red fingerprints on the front cover. I recalled seeing a touch of red on the end of Toddler son’s fingers and had assumed it was felt tip! My heart sinks as I try and open my lovely diary.

Somehow, masterful son has managed to stick the pages all together with my favourite (pricey) nail polish. I restrain myself to the couch, using a cushion to scream into.


My anger eventually turns into laughter as I remove cushion from face to see that he thoughtfully put nail polish back into my hand bag without so much as a drop escaping, carefully zippingit back into side pocket.

Guess like the man, he’s also learning that there is nothing worse than being caught red handed.