Housemouse

After a weekend of weddings and Bbq’s by Monday night I am more than a bit pooped. With the kiddies all in bed I am ready for a snoozy evening on the couch. To make my slouching time a touch more cosy I grab a blanket, some crisps, and the man to accompany me. Intending to not move more than an inch all night. Bliss.

Thirty seconds later I am standing on my coffee table screaming blue murder.

We have a guest, uninvited and not housetrained. A furry brown mouse has just pelted across my floor, and under the telly.

Thinking that I am actually going to vomit I stand shaking like crazy, I have never encountered one of the furry fiends before so I have never encountered this apparent irrational fear I am suffering from. I am totally unnerved by my own reaction. The man quickly suggests that I help block mousy in. I suggested something rather unprintable back at him and remain table topped. Blocking the thing in is the last thing I want to do, knocking his block off maybe.

I manage to jump down and run for our rounder’s bat. Grabbing it from the toy cupboard a million piles of cutter fall over on me. Convinced that mousy may have somehow got in there I start battering toddlers Makka Pakka. Once sure that there is no sign, with baited breath I head back into the living room to assist the man.

Two and a half hours later there is still no sign of our little friend, we decide to call it a night. The man sleeps soundly while I keep one eye open. Every squeak and creak wakes me with the fear, leaving me paralysed visualizing Marvin mouse (he looked like a Marvin) tucking into whatever discarded guard crumb he can find.

The morning arrives and I wonder how and when I managed to let my guard down to sleep. Feeling rough I head into the kitchen to discuss day two of operation mouse hunt.

One look at the blocked in TV set and I realise that this place is not big enough for the two of us. I do the only option left to me - promptly pack an away bag to my mothers.

Marvin mouse may have won the battle but he sure as hell isn’t gonna win the war. Handing the man a lump of cheese, some peanut butter and a mouse trap I assure him that he is the best guy for the job. Kids all accounted for I kiss the man goodbye and wish him luck.

Marvin, your days are numbered mate, the man is waiting. (as am I, from a safe distance) Come out come out wherever you are… I want to come home!!