Cabbage

I have been gradually losing a pound here and pound there over the last month all down to my weekly weigh in at my local slimming club. Yes, I am happy that I have slightly less of a tyre hanging around me, but the fact is it is still there. This obviously means I could do with a bit of a fat busting push. After visiting the internet dieting sites (and avoiding liposuction) I have decided to stick to an ever so appetising cabbage soup for a few days.

Day one and I am not too daunted by the prospect of a cabbage filled day, yet I am not bothered about missing out breakfast to avoid it either.

By lunchtime I am hungry as a horse and happily demolish a fat bowl of green leaves. I manage to avoid snacking all afternoon and am proud that I haven’t cracked.

I pour my bowl for dinner. Second helping of healthy slop is less than satisfying but ultimate goal of tyre-less waist spur’s me on.

Day two I awake to slimy soup, I manage half a bowl then head to brush away the chalky green taste. While brushing I am suddenly aware that my breath is less than fragrant. After two round’s of mouthwash I keep my fingers crossed that none of the school gate mum’s want to chat this morning.

By lunchtime I realise bad breath is the least of my problems, on two occasions toddler son has left the room due to my less than attractive bottom burps.

I insist to self that if I manage another day I will have at least managed to detox for three.

The man arrives home from work with a look of disgust. I am guessing that the cabbage smell is starting to put him off looking in my direction, let alone hold discussion without a safe vapour proof wall between us. Beauty is pain methinks, I hadn’t banked the pain being in hubby’s nostrils.

At the end of day two I am exhausted, unsure whether that is down to the increased effort needed to avoid others or simply lack of calories.

Day three finally arrives and the man takes me to the side to inform me that during the night he had considered evacuating the family from my “fumes”. Red with embarrassment I refrain from speech through fear of intoxicating the air even more.

Cabbage diet is well and truly over for me, as is talking - for a bit anyway!